Answers to a few Quesions

I have heard many questions come up regarding Zachary's condition. Questions that have been brought to my attention regarding him after the expo in Myrtle Beach. I would like to clarify all of this if I may.

First question: Is Zachary really sick?? As much as I would like to say he is not, I can't. He is and has been since he was 10 months old. According to the doctors, since birth...I just didn't know it without the results of the EEG and MRI tests telling me and the doctors so. As a reader, you may find this hard to believe, understand, and comprehend; but I live this everyday with Zachary. To an extent, he is just like any other kid; but if you experience what I have with him it will convince you over night.

Second question: Why was Zachary not acting like he was ill at the expo in Myrtle Beach? That is self explanatory. If you as readers have been keeping up with Zachary's blog over time, you will know that when anything that enters his world, involving KISS, it enters into his mind in a positive aspect and it sends him to a whole new level. What I mean by that, for example, a kid with 1,000 dollars in a candy shop and the child is instructed to spend every last dollar on candy no matter what. When I stepped into the KISS expo with him, I entered into his realm and what I knew about my world was on the back burner and far behind. This was his world, the way he sees it on a daily basis, brought to reality in his mind and I was just on the sidelines experiencing it with him as a spectator. So in short, he was surrounded by all of this positive energy that involves the band...his heros.

Third question: Am I a firm believer that the music really heals in a mental state regarding his seizure activity? Now this may sound far fetched to all of you, but then again, you have to experience this to understand. Basically Zachary without KISS and with KISS. Yes, he can have something called withdraws...like an addict. But different. The music is something his spirit feeds off of on a daily and weekly basis. Not only am I convinced, but the doctors are also. As a parent, they tell you to try many different things like changing their schedule, food type, drinks, behavior, ect to get them to adjust. None of this ever worked for him well. And I never thought he would ever have a restful night and an easy day because of this. When he began to like KISS, I thought this was a phase he was going through, so I complied with his wishes. As time went on, I saw how serious he "clicked" with the music of the band and became one with them on a totally different level. Hard to explain, so let me try this...he and Paul are so much apart of one another that he understands how Paul felt when he sang a particular song because he can read into it deeply. Not by listening to the words and defining what they mean because he can't; but by the way he performed the song. I know that is hard to imagine; but this is how I see him and what I know by listening to him and watching him perform the song with his whole heart. So yes, that is why he feels that he is the Star Child. Not only do they connect because of costume, and looks...let alone moves; but they connect on a level that no one else can understand not even Paul. Only Zachary can completely explain that in which he only chooses to do so by his actions because words of explanation cannot be made but only through music in which lies in deep in his soul. Yes, I know this is pretty deep and you may not entirely understand as readers; but it has taken me what seems to be a lifetime to finally get through. I have been on the sidelines as a spectator...watching him and cheering him on. At the moment I have my foot in the door, like all of you. Zachary is on the other side of the door guarding it from any intruders who may get too close to his world and too close in his mental state to harm anything that is well and good in this world of his. I, like all of you, are on constant red alert by him when we get too close and it is very hard to be pushed back out into the cold world; but I never stop trying.

So until then, I keep my space with him, share the moment with him, continue to be a good mom to him and his siblings, and to let him, as well as his siblings know that I will always be there for all of them no matter what happens. So therefore, I remain determined to give him the sun, in which is KISS, to help drive the dark clouds in which contain his fears and illness, away and to one day experience the rainbow together.