A mothers cry ... "I feel defenseless"

Hello everyone!! Zachary had a rough morning. He woke abruptly, did not know who he was, where he was, who I was and showed signs of more sickness. Thank goodness, it only lasts for (sometimes) a short time. This morning, he snapped out of it quickly. In my heart and mind, I know he's slowly getting worse. I feel defenseless. I'm scared for him...not me!! The way I look at it, this illness is slowly beginning to wear his little body out and there is nothing I can do to stop it. There must be a glimmer of hope somewhere. Finding it is half of the battle. I put all my "hopes" on the doctors to do the right thing; but I just can't seem to LET GO!! This will continue to "haunt" me forever until something is done for him and I think his time is running out. My husband does'nt want to think about it; but I can't help it. I can't see my life without him in it.


In a more positive note, Zachary continues to keep his daily schedule which consists of KISS concerts, drawing pictures of his heros (so far, he drew Bruce a picture), watching Boomerang cartoons, and managing my Christmas lights. In Zachary's world, the Christmas lights should be turned on when he gets off the school bus and unplugged when he leaves for school in the morning!! Well, that's how he wants it and regardless if we get a high bill or not, that's how it will be. My husband and I just have a tendency of letting things be to make Zachary and his siblings happy. We are big kids ourselves and a child's face has always made us determined to hand out happiness on a silver platter no matter what the cost. Even though, Zachary is our little angel, it does'nt stop us for trying to give to other children in need. Zachary has taught us that. I feel like he is our special little angel sent down from God to keep us on the straight and narrow. He is a constant reminder of what heaven will be like....full of beautiful angels like him.